June 12, 2011

The Beginning: Quit Urban Outshitters

When you waste a year of your life working at Urban Outfitters, you find yourself confused, flustered, and drunk off your ass every day. March 2011 was my one year mark working for a corporation that gives its employees a shit rate. It is a pay rate so small, even asian penises poke fun at it, mine did. Anyway, when that date hit, I finally said fuck you and left. I sharted on the cash wrap and humped all the mannequins. All of them. I know what you are thinking.


"Oh Thomas, the mannequins have no heads, arms, or feet! Gross!"

Well, everyone has a type right?

A fierce job hunt directly followed my release from this godforsaken store and I soon started working at Heavy Inc, a website dedicated to entertainment enthusiasts. Everyone there seems nice and guess what? I'm not fucking folding clothes anymore. I'm still a fetus in the company, but hopefully I'll grow fingernails and eyelids soon.

Thank you for your time. Please come by again.
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3 comments:

  1. AnonymousJune 12, 2011 at 4:03 PM

    I agree with you. It's been 6 years since I lost my balls to UO.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Chris GabrielJune 12, 2011 at 6:28 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Chris GabrielJune 12, 2011 at 6:44 PM

    Fingernails and eyelids are overrated.
    Also, Diet Coke is underrated.

    ReplyDelete

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